Ogden Nash “Tulge kampa, äge on olla vasa”

Hirmkaua elab see, kel lemmikmuusika on süva,
ent raugaks Mozart sind ei tee, – no hüva,
ei ole vana sa
ja igavesti elama ei pea, et sinust saaks kord vasa elik vanaisa.
Vasaseltsi vastuvõtt käib lihtsalt kips ja kaps – ela üksnes seni, kui su lapsel sünnib laps.
Siis hakkad kohe üle õla sinna-tänna vahtima, ei loe, et seljas puudub koorem
sest vahel tunne on, kui oleks kolmkend aastat vanem,
ja vahel sama palju noorem.
Ning kohe taipad sa, kui tobe ohustus
on jutt, mis ammu väidab
et vanavanemate hinge lapselapsest rõõm vaid täidab…
sest puudub iga kohustus.
No kes ei tahaks majja last, kes oleks puha rõõm ja lust
ega nõuaks mingit vastutust

Kuid mina küll ei tea, kes (peale mõne ohmu tudi)
võiks omaenda lapse kätte usaldada titat, kel toiduks alles piim ja pudi.

Nii tulebki sul isiklikult inspekteerida,
et lapselaps teel hällist kooli ei jätaks suhu lutti
sest su oma lapsel pole niigi palju nutti,
et bassimürtsu maha reguleerida.
Sa igavesti elama ei pea, et sinustki saaks vasa
Ent kui siiski oled igavesti elamise meelt
sa ole tasa
ja ära proovi teritada keelt.
Kui raja lõppu soovid jõuda terve nahaga
sa ära jaura päevad otsa nii, et “vasa olla pole viga, kuid vanaema meheks olla ma ei taha ka”.

People live forever in Jacksonville and St. Petersburg and Tampa,
But you don’t have to live forever to become a grampa.
The entrance requirements for grampahood are comparatively mild,
You only have to live until your child has a child.
From that point on you start looking both ways over your shoulder,
Because sometimes you feel thirty years younger and sometimes thirty years older.
Now you begin to realize who it was that reached the height of imbecility,
It was whoever said that grandparents have all the fun and none of the responsibility.
This is the most enticing spiderwebs of a tarradiddle ever spun,
Because everybody would love to have a baby around who was no responsibility and lots of fun,

But I can think of no one but a mooncalf or a gaby
Who would trust their own child to raise a baby.

So you have to personally superintend your grandchild from diapers to pants and from bottle to spoon,
Because you know that your own child hasn’t sense enough to come in out of a typhoon.
You don’t have to live forever to become a grampa, but if you do want to live forever,
Don’t try to be clever;
If you wish to reach the end of the trail with an uncut throat,
Don’t go around saying Quote I don’t mind being a grampa but I hate being married to a gramma Unquote.